to you

To you in this very stable and safe lifestyle that every one of us lives—you, who are fortunate enough to have this computer that sits in a house that stands in a peaceful community, with food, bedding, and family—all we have is our mind to struggle against. When we don't have to worry about what we're going to eat, how we'll hunt for it, where we are going to sleep, and who we’ll kill for it, our natural instincts are to engulf ourselves in the next best conflict, whether we have to create the issue or not. What I'm getting at is that all of the inconsequential things that make us stressed out, disappointed, and miserable, are entirely inessential to us living our lives.

There are a couple of things to say about the events in the past week that led up to the news I received today. For one, it definitely does some justice to the spiritual theories that float in my head with no significant weight, whether that is a God or a humble omen. But ultimately, I've used these past events to cope with the recent bad news.

Isn't it ironic how people come to you for advice, to vent, or to help make things clear when you yourself are well off the path you've always wished you would be walking? But you've had enough experience in your life with the way things work that when that pessimistic someone comes to you in tears, you know the answer, and you tell them that everything will be fine. You assess their traumatic conflict and realize for them, this will all pass. And just like how you've moved on from your last relationship, or you've thrown away that unaffordable car you crashed, or you've forgotten about the quarrel you and a friend were in last year, you reassure them that these are just learning experiences and soon you'll be at your 100%, living an amazing life, unchanged by this struggle.

Then it hits you. And the one thing you've struggled for all these years has lost its appeal—fortunately for me, this timely epiphany hit me right when I thought I’d lost it all. And you take a step back and weigh your choices: I can start back from zero or I can give this up. And you make that decision. And you either jump back into the circular lifestyle of self-created, insubstantial monotony… or you grow.

You sleepwalk, forget where your money went, look around the room, scanning over the myriad of material items you’ve struggled to afford, and turn to the mirror and wish you had this, that, and more… or you wake up.

epiphany

Epiphany:
that omniscient luminescent crescent we call moon
speaks its words and its truths to make the seas swoon.
the winds wind up whips from the ocean's flat,
and only time will tell when these swells will see their "crack."

with shore in sight, these waves of wisdom and enlightenment
build energy, ignite, and ascend to a peak crescent.
crashing on the shores of my eyes, now i see,
and my consciousness expands through epiphany.

love cathartically

I've found it's less important to know what my words meant to me if it hinders finding what they mean to you.

Love, Cathartically:
with virgo-like instincts,
i've broken much of it down,
over again with successive fulfillments,
until another one brings me around.

conclusions bring nostalgic frustrations,
optimistically realizing my summations,
and all my social donations,
will never reach final appellations.

a never-ending search can obscure direction,
a never-ending struggle can yield tension,
an always-questioning mind can lack apprehension,
but this can't allow let downs to defoliate affection.

c is for the trees
a is for the sun
t is for the sounds
h is for the gods
a is for the change
r is for the moon
t is for the expression
i is for the response
c is for the will
a is for the touch
l is for the math
l is for the word
y is for the love

i love, cathartically.

esquivel

I've haven't posted on here since I made this... so before I post something I just wrote, I'll put up some stuff I've written in the past.
This was the first poem I ever wrote. For some reason I was really into alliteration and at the time I was listening to a lot of Esquivel and all that loungy, space-age jazz. That basically sums this up.

Esquivel:
im a cat in a solace star,
stationed in the milky-super-highways,
with smooth sounds of bossa-nova sitar,
and scads of space-age sonance-ified-rays.
honey-dipped in solemn solidity with no somber stern,
sinning syntax and startling sex always seem to churn.
where serenity is solicited in a serenade so sedate,
one can savor a shameless sight of their sanctified soulmate.

sipping sake-self-satisfaction,
spooning saucy-sentiment-transaction.

swingin' snazzy rhythm skins,
strikin' splendiferous stylish synths,
slidin' savant swanky guitar,
all straight from my stark seductive, furry paw.

sunshine

I wrote this today. I don't really show it lately, but things inside have been very difficult to extinguish. This has been pretty cathartic to write and maybe can be the same to read. I wrote this in the perspective of my mother.

Sunshine:
he once was a little boy
he once could give it all
he could run for days, for you
he felt a hundred feet tall

but its an inevitable evolution
losing your ability to love and treat right
is it just: this retribution?
no one deserves the punch that was never in sight

this mountain of a world will slap that sun right off your face
and leave you in shadows with the rest of them
but you can climb, baby, i gave you them legs for a reason
yes, you can climb and one day you'll find that sun again

how can someone be so heartless?
he sat lonely day after day
he only gave his love and sincerity
but what Confucius say dont keep confusion at bay

no its not your fault, little one
the age of consent is just an illusion
wisdom is sparse to none
the solution, sunshine, is absolution

this mountain of a world will slap that sun right off your face
and leave you in shadows with the rest of them
but you can climb, baby, i gave you them legs for a reason
yes, you can climb and one day you'll find that sun again

solipsistic.
isnt it sick,
drawing lines with a stick?
her love was a trick.

but youre my little buddha
you'll always be mine
listen to me, i've climbed that mountain
and now, you're my sunshine

pictures

Pictures:
loneliness was the last friend i had
but i was a selfish friend
now, i walk around with pictures
i sleep around with photographs

they tell themselves they need to be like her
she tells herself she needs to be like them

we never stop running until we see where we've always been
we never stop winning until there's nothing left to lose

were just pictures
dried up of substance
glorified pictures
walking in circles

they believe they can love
isnt it funny
they believe they can love
isnt it sad
when we love to lose our minds
when we love to lose our bodies

when the last signs of beauty you once possessed
were lost in the flashing lights of your success

were just pictures
dried up of substance
glorified fucking pictures
walking in circles

but theyre 2-D you's and me's
i guess it could've been romantic
but everyone started hugging trees
sometimes i wish i never learned how to think free